Girls more hurt when friends fail them

Girls more hurt when friends fail them - Girls are even more devastated than boys, when their friends let them down and fail to meet their expectations, a new study has suggested.

In a Duke University study, the researchers found that pre-teen girls may not be any better at friendships than boys, despite previous research suggesting otherwise.

The findings suggest that when more serious violations of a friendship occur, girls struggle just as much and, in some ways, even more than boys.

The girls in this study were just as likely as boys to report that they would seek revenge against an offending friend, verbally attack the friend and threaten to end the friendship when their expectations were violated, such as telling one of their secrets to other children.

Girls hurt more than boys when friends fail them (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images)

The girls also reported they were more bothered by the transgressions, felt more anger and sadness, and were more likely to think the offence meant their friend did not care about them or was trying to control them.

The study co-authored by Julie Paquette MacEvoy and Steven Asher showed 267 fourth- and fifth-grade children 16 hypothetical stories in which they were asked to imagine that a friend violated a core expectation of friendship.

These stories included a friend failing to hold up responsibilities in a joint school project, resulting in a bad grade for both friends, and a friend shrugging off the seriousness of another friend's sick pet, saying, "It's no big deal, it's just a pet."

For each story, the 9- to 11-year-olds from Granville County, N.C., and Providence, R.I., were asked how they would feel if the incident really happened to them, how they would interpret the friend's behaviour, what they would do and how much the incident would bother them.

"Our finding that girls would be just as vengeful and aggressive toward their friends as the boys is particularly interesting because past research has consistently shown boys to react more negatively following minor conflicts with friends, such as an argument about which game to play next," Asher said.

"It appears that friendship transgressions and conflicts of interest may push different buttons for boys and girls," he added.

The study found that anger and sadness played significant roles in how boys and girls reacted to offending friends. For both genders, the more strongly they felt a friend had devalued them or was trying to control them, the more anger and sadness they felt. ( indiatimes.com )

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Learn to say it with flowers

Learn to say it with flowers - Duchess Kate Middleton's custom wedding bouquet had symbolic significance to the Royal family, and was in keeping with tradition.

You may not be royalty, but that should not stop you from emulating the royal family. Go ahead and take the lead from the Victorians who used flowers to express their feelings. Here's a list of different flowers and what they really mean.

Learn to say it with flowers (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images)

• Carnation implies affection. It's meant to be given to one's lover.
• Chamomile means patience and attracts wealth.
• Chrysanthemum means cheerfulness and says that you're a wonderful friend.
• Daffodil means respect.
• Daisy is associated with innocence and carefree beauty.
• Forget-me-not stands for true love and lasting memories.
• Geranium (scented) implies a degree of preference.
• The hibiscus flower signifies delicate and elegant beauty.
• Honeysuckle is all about generous and devoted affection.
• Hyacinth is associated with games, sports and rashness. You would be surprised to know that this flower is dedicated to Apollo.
• Iris is a flower that signifies faith, hope, wisdom and valor.
• Jasmine is a flower about amiability and it attracts wealth.
• Lily is a flower that helps keep unwanted visitors away.
• Marigold is a flower that comforts the heart and gives solace.
• Orchid is a symbol of love, beauty and refinement. Ideal to gift to a beautiful lady, it is also the Chinese symbol for many children.
• Poinsettias symbolizes a degree of good cheer and great success Also known as the Christmas Star, it is said that this winter flower's association with Christmas comes from a Mexican legend.
• Red roses symbolize love. So try gifting a bunch of red roses before you say those three words. However, some girls find them boring.
• Do not gift red roses to a family member.
• Daffodils are the perfect bouquet for your mother, a bunch of daisies are the perfect flowers for your sister. Scented geraniums are ideal for the girl you have a crush on.
• Marigolds are the perfect condolence flowers. Gift them to someone who has recently suffered an accident, illness or tragedy.
• Chrysanthemums are the perfect flowers for a female friend when there are no romantic feelings involved.
• Chamomile, jasmine and poinsettia attract success and wealth.
• Barring the traditional (and cliche) red roses, other flowers that communicate love are carnations, honeysuckle, orchids and forget-me-nots. ( indiatimes.com )

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Study shows girls increasingly aborted in India

Study shows girls increasingly aborted in India – More and more Indian families with one girl are aborting subsequent pregnancies when prenatal tests show another female is on the way, according to a new study.

The decline in the number of girls is more pronounced in richer and better educated households, according to research published Tuesday in the medical journal Lancet.

Those numbers show that a 1996 law that bans testing for the gender of a fetus has been largely ineffective, the study said.

In India, there is a huge cultural preference for boys in large part because of the enormous expense in marrying off girls and paying elaborate dowries. Officials have acknowledged that current laws have proved inadequate at combatting the widening sex ratio gap.

The study said that between 4 million and 12 million girls are thought have been aborted from 1980 to 2010.

Raw data from India's census released in March showed 914 girls under age 6 for every 1,000 boys. A decade ago, many were horrified when the ratio was 927 to 1,000.

Researchers studied census data and government surveys of more than 250,000 births to conclude that gap is even wider in families that already have a girl.

The ratio was 906 girls under 6 to every 1,000 boys in 1990 and had declined further by 2005, when it was 836 to every 1,000.

That decrease was even more marked in families where the mothers were wealthier and had 10 or more years of education compared with a poor and uneducated mothers — presumably because the wealthy are more easily able to obtain illegal abortions.

But in families whose first child was a boy, there was no decrease in the girl to boy ratio for the second child, the study said.

"Reliable monitoring and reporting of sex ratios by birth order in each of India's districts could be a reasonable part of any efforts to curb the remarkable growth of selective abortions of girls," the authors suggested.

The study was led by Prof. Prabhat Jha of the Centre for Global Health Research, Dalla Lana School of the University of Toronto and other researchers, including the former Registrar General of India, Jayant K. Banthia.

According to the current CIA "World Factbook," the United States has a birth ratio of 955 girls per 1,000 boys. In China, where families sometimes abort girls because of a traditional preference for boys and the nation's strict family-planning policies, the birth ratio is 885 girls per 1,000 boys.

The factbook puts India's birth ratio at 893 girls to 1,000 boys.

India tracks gender ratios for children under the age of 6 but not at birth. ( Associated Press )

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Top 10 tips for pleasing the pickiest toddler

Top 10 tips for pleasing the pickiest toddler - Parents often complain that there children just aren't interested in eating healthy foods, preferring instead to stick to a handful of favourites. Below are 10 tips to get the correct nutrients into the pickiest of eaters:

1. Offer small amounts of many different foods

Toddlers will notoriously put unusual bite sized objects in their mouths whether they are edible or not. So they are more likely to graze if confronted with a variety of different coloured and shaped foods.

Apple moons, banana slices, small broccoli trees or carrot sticks are more likely to tempt youngsters than a plate of nutritious, yet bland baby mush.

2. Offer dips

Most toddlers won't give up the chance to dip any object in something wet or gloopy. Cottage cheese, peanut butter or even pureed fruits can offer a way to get carrot or celery batons into the most obstinate youngster.

3. Turn it into a drink

Blending fruits and vegetables into drinks - with a straw - can often entice children to eat things which would usually make them turn up their noses. And it is an excellent way to sneak in supplements such as, egg powder, wheat germ, yogurt, honey, and peanut butter

4. Cut up food

How much a child will eat often depends on how you cut it. Cut sandwiches, pancakes, waffles, and pizza into various shapes using cookie cutters.

5. Get kids interested in vegetables

Encouraging your child to plant a garden and help care for plants before eating them will fire their interest in fruit and vegetables. Showing them pictures of food first can also encourage unwilling youngsters to try unknown foods.

6. Bear in mind how small kid's stomachs are

A young child's stomach is approximately the size of his fist. So dole out small portions at first and refill the plate when your child asks for more.

7. Make eating easier

Toddlers are often encouraged to sit at the table but dangling feet can make them restless. Maintaining a child table separate to the adults can improve dinner times.

8. Let them cook

Children are more likely to eat their own creations, so, when appropriate, let your child help prepare the food.Young hands are more than capable of tearing and washing lettuce, scrubbing potatoes, or stirring batter.

9. Pick the right foods

Choose foods that are high in nutrients so that a little goes a long way. The best are:

• Avocados
• Pasta
• Broccoli
• Peanut butter
• Brown rice and other grains
• Potatoes
• Cheese
• Poultry
• Eggs
• Squash
• Fish
• Sweet potatoes
• Kidney beans
• Tofu
• Yogurt

10. Camouflage

If all else fails try the old standby of "cheese in the trees" cheese melted on steamed broccoli florets. ( telegraph.co.uk )

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Calagans celebrate 'Wow Caraga 2011'

Calagans celebrate 'Wow Caraga 2011' - Residents from the Caraga region recently celebrated its 16th founding anniversary in a festival dubbed "Wow Caraga 2011."

Bislig City hosted the celebration, thus the festival had the tagline "Payanig sa Bislig".

Festivities started with the Bird Parade where students wore bird head gears, since many species of birds can be found in the region, particularly in Agusan Marsh.

The students then went to a Bird and Wildlife Forum at the De La Salle John Bosco College, organized by the Wild Bird Club of the Philippines and the Philippine Eagle Foundation.

The festival also featured a trade fair, exhibits of regional line agencies, the "Birds of Bislig" photo exhibit, and a garden show.

Contingents from Agusan del Sur's Naliyagan, Surigao del Norte's Lubi-lubi, Bislig City's Karawasan, Surigao del Sur's Paladong, and Bayugan City's Diwata participated in the Calagan Festival Grand Showdown.

Also held was a Search for Mutya ng Caraga 2011, the Calagan Culinary Show and Live Competition, the Calagan Singing Star Quest, and a wild bird-watching activity, the new project of Bislig City.

Formed as an administrative region under Republic Act 7901 enacted in 1995, Caraga is composed of the provinces Agusan del Norte, Agusan del Sur, Surigao del Norte, Surigao del Sur, and the Dinagat group of islands. The region has 6 cities: Butuan, Surigao, Bislig, Cabadbaran, Tandang, and Bayugan.

Department of Tourism (DOT) officials led by Assistant Secretary Domingo Ramon C. Enerio III joined Kalagans in celebrating the festival.

“The people of Caraga have a lot to be thankful for with the environment they have been endowed with but such great endowment comes with great responsibility. The people of Caraga must continue to protect the environment not only for themselves but also for future generations,” Enerio said. ( abs-cbnnews.com )

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The Magic Make-up Mirror

The Magic Make-up Mirror -- Most women have gone through the ordeal of buying a product at a beauty counter only to get home and discover it looks more clown than chic. But a virtual make-up mirror promises to put an end to these expensive embarrassments.

The first of its kind in Europe, the 'magic mirror' can give you a full make-over in seconds, lets you test hundreds of different products in minutes, and does away with the need for make-up remover afterwards.

Created by Japanese beauty brand Shiseido, the simulator allows users to virtually apply make-up to eyes, lips and cheeks. But it’s not yet able to slap on virtual foundation, so I primed my face with a simple base and sat down to see what it could do.

The future of make-up: Claire gets a tutorial in how to use the hi-tech simulator

A camera on the device captures your face and works out where your eyes, nose and mouth are. Using the touch-sensitive screen, you can choose from more than 50 different eye colours, around the same number of lip colours, and 12 blushers, bronzers and cheek tints.

You can whizz through a huge array of shades in a matter of moments, see how products change with more intensive application, and experiment with far more drastic looks than you might normally dare to.

The image you see is a perfect mirror image. If you squint to take a closer look at the eyeshadow you just 'applied', you’ll see it on the screen; turn your head slightly to see how that blusher looks and your mirror image will do likewise.

Once you find a look you like, you can take a still image. The machine can store a few of these, giving you an opportunity to compare different looks.

I experimented with pink eyeshadow, orange lipstick and far heavier blusher than I would ever have applied normally, managed to discover exactly the right shade of red lipstick, and became convinced that maybe it was worth giving purple eyeshadow a whirl, after all.

Of course it's a sales tool, but if you've ever spent half an hour having a department store makeover, only to scrub it all off in the loos because you hated it, or grabbed a lipstick colour that looked okay on the back of your hand but made you look like Morticia when you got home, you'll see the appeal.

On the downside, while you know that the colours you've opted for will suit you, the mirror can’t give you an idea of product texture, or guarantee that you’ll be able to apply them well.

For that you’ll have to rely on good old-fashioned human beings. Still, knowing the tech-savvy Japanese, a robot that can perfectly apply your make-up can't be very far away.The make-up simulator is currently on a roadshow of department stores across the country and will return to Selfridges in London on May 27.( antara )

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Take years off your face

Take years off your face - Our skin is a mirror of our inner health and well-being. The right diet, combined with the right exercise and a simple beauty routine does wonders to the way we look and feel every day.

The skin has a dual role of protection (from foreign, toxic substances) and the transfer point (for the release of toxins from our bodies becomes) and in the process it tires out when there is a work overload. It then craves a little more care than just the regular cleansing-toning-moisturising routine.

This is where facials come in: a deep and thorough cleansing procedure that is known to remove impurities embedded within the pores while replenishing essential nutrients to the skin!

Why facials are so good

Research reveals facials come with several benefits, both physical and psychological. "Facials counteract the effects of pollutants and sun exposure, helping cleanse, rehydrate and rejuvenate skin.

They can also be used as a mild treatment to take care of skin blemishes, dead skin and early wrinkles. It's best to start them at 25, when the skin begins to undergo its first round of wear and tear. Regular facials also ensure better penetration of anti-ageing skincare products," explains Mumbai-based dermatologist Dr Apratim Goel.

According to beauty expert, Shahnaz Hussain, one of the pioneers of facials in India, "Facials help maintain the oil-moisture balance of the skin, along with the acid-alkali balance. And since facials aid in the toning of both skin and muscles, it also doubles up as an effective anti-ager, when done on a regular basis, ideally once every month beyond the age of 30. Besides, it helps relax every muscle on the face and neck, bringing about a soothing effect." Every facial follows a few basic steps, each of which comes with individual benefits.

Deep cleansing and toning: The skin is deeply and thoroughly cleaned with a gentle cleanser to remove impurities and pollutants thereby improving blood circulation to the face almost immediately. This also helps products penetrate the skin faster, during the facial as well as later. Toning on the other hand aids in faster cell renewal preserving firmness and elasticity of the skin.

Exfoliation: Exfoliation with specific products (depending on the facial one opts for) boosts renewal of skin cells, making skin appear brighter and more translucent. This is mostly done with anti-oxidant creams used to help prevent free radical damage. This apart, it also helps remove blackheads significantly opening the clogged pores and allowing skin to breathe.

Massage: The most relaxing part of a facial, the gentle and rhythmic strokes relaxes muscles, thus increasing blood circulation, which in turn aids the removal of toxins and waste from the body and delays the onset of wrinkles.

Face masks: Available in various types such as firming, whitening, Vitamin C, etc., they are known to remove oiliness, shrink pores and add moisture to the skin, lending it a translucent feel. Herbal masks, on the other hand, improve cell renewal signficantly.

Choose your own beauty routine
With a flurry of options, it is important you choose your facials with care for maximum benefits.

Extremely sensitive/Acne-Prone Skin: "Facials are best avoided for people with very sensitive skin, acne or very oily skin or those with skin conditions such as rosacea. Clean-ups work best for such skin types which comes with the benefits of a facial, but reduced massage time, which is considered harmful for those with such skin types. Scrubbing is also a complete no-no for such skin," says Delhi-based dermatologist Charulata Bose.

Normal to oily skin: Go for a basic facial (a fruit facial, an oxygen-based facial) that stresses on cleansing, toning and a good face mask, advises Hussain.

Dry skin: Opt for facials that focus on massage and thick creams. This will help the cream penetrate deep in, thereby providing necessary hydration, suggests Bose.

What you should look out for

While facials come with a host of benefits, they are effective only when done the right way by qualified, experienced professionals and in completely hygienic conditions, with safe, high-quality products, cautions Goel. "Wrong massage techniques can cause skin to sag, leading to more prominent wrinkles," says Bose.

1. Know the ingredients and the brands being used on your face.
2. Test if you are allergic to any ingredient in the products. If you're experimenting with a new kind of facial, do a patch test of the major ingredients well in advance in order to rule out allergies.
3. Ensure your therapist uses only fresh products, especially in case of natural/organic/fruit facials.
4. Never peel away pimples as these could leave painful sores and permanent scars.
5. Make sure the spa/salon maintains good hygiene standards to avoid any kind of infection. ( yahoo.com )

READ MORE - Take years off your face

Sexual assault of American women soldiers on the rise

Sexual assault of American women soldiers on the rise - In a bid to address sexual crimes within the American defence forces more effectively, the United States Air Force will release a survey later this week in which it states that one in five women have been sexually assaulted since joining the military service.

The survey conducted by Gallup, interviewed 18,834 male and female airmen between July and August 2010 and had a response rate of nearly 19 percent.

Experts say the results, which will be published on the Air Force website will be important for the Air Force and the entire military, as top officials will be forced to acknowledge and confront the scope of the problem for the first time.

Charlene Bradley, an air force assistant deputy for force management integration said: " If we're ever going to get to the point where we know how much progress we're making or not making, our leadership has to find out the extent of the problem," adding that the Air Force leadership was "very concerned" when they reviewed the survey's findings.

She added: "They were concerned before, but they were very concerned when they saw this."

According to the military sexual assault includes a number of things including "sexual contact without consent." Out of the 18.9 percent of the female airmen who reported having been assaulted, 58 percent said that they had been raped and 20 percent said they had been sodomized, which the military defines as nonconsensual oral or anal sex.

It is expected to serve as a new base for tracking the crime. The survey is likely to be conducted every 18 to 24 months, says Bradley.

The survey has brought out that a majority of assaults were against women, nearly 80 percent and the perpetrators are fellow US service members.

Bradley says: "The survey was designed to help the Air Force evaluate its prevention programs to find out "how much progress we're making or not making."

The survey makes it clear that only a small percentage of victims reported the crimes and in order to control this it was important to change this fact.

A majority of those who were victims of unwanted sex said they did not think it was serious enough to report.

Nearly 60 percent of women who were raped said they did not want their superiors to know and 63 percent, said they did not want their fellow airmen to know." Nearly half said that they did not want to cause trouble in their unit, The Christian Science Monitor reports.

To overcome this problem, the Air Force is making large scale efforts on a bystander training program as the findings suggest that many victims of assault do tell a friend or fellow airmen, whether they officially report the crime or not.

Bradley said that the Air Force has full-time trained sexual assault response coordinators (SARCs), at every base, as well as volunteer victim advocates.

David Lisak, sexual assault specialist and clinical psychologist at the University of Massachusetts, Boston said that the Air Force is also focusing on better training for military lawyers who in many cases have little experience compared to the specialized civilian sexual-assault defense lawyers that many alleged perpetrators hire. ( news.yahoo.com )

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Five things you should know about lost love

1. Not everyone has a lost love.

Dr. Nancy Kalish surveyed 1,600 random people who had no idea she was a reunion researcher. The vast majority had never tried and didn't even want to contemplate a reunion with their first loves. In fact, three-quarters said they were not interested. Some even wrote comments like, ``Hell, no! Who would want to do that?'' in the margins of the survey.

What was the difference between those who carried a torch for decades and those who said they wouldn't dream of getting back together? Many who rekindled their relationships later in life had broken up because of parental disapproval, because they were too young to get married, or because they had moved away. In the control group, the explanation for the first breakup were ``other'' reasons, such as abuse or infidelity. In these cases, the first love served as a model of the kind of person not to marry.

2. Men take longer to get over lost love.

Kalish's surveys asked both men and women how long it took them to get over their lost loves. Her responses suggested that men took much longer. Some of the men were not even satisfied with the survey choices, which included ``over 10 years.'' Only men crossed out all the choices and wrote, ``I never got over my lost love!''

Many men also reported crying for weeks after they broke up with a high- school sweetheart. While more women post comments on her website, www. lostlovers.com, Kalish has more male subscribers.


3. People carry memories of lost young love into their golden years.

More than half of Kalish's rekindlers reported reuniting with people they knew when they were under 17 years old. More than a quarter of the remaining rekindlers had reconnected with people they knew when they were 18 to 22. Some even reported reuniting with childhood friends.

When they reunited, 37 per cent were in their 40s and 50s, 10 per cent were in their 60s and 70s and four per cent were 80 or older. In one case, lost loves who had been separated for 75 years were remarried on the woman's 95th birthday.

By 2005, when Kalish was in the second part of her research, she noted that two-thirds of her participants were having extramarital affairs - even the seniors. Often, these relationships started with people who were divorced or widowed, who then contacted old flames who were still married. But Kalish also found that seniors were more likely to feel guilty or shameful about seeking out an old love.


4. There is no biological explanation for the ``stickiness'' of first love.

There is no neurological or chemical chain of events that means there will always be a link between first loves, says Kalish. Neither is first love like ``imprinting'' ducklings, who become attached to their mother, or whatever moving objects happens to be closest to them in their first two days of life. If that were true, everyone's high-school sweethearts would be considered lost loves, and her surveys show that most people wouldn't even consider approaching their first romantic partners. There are a lot of teen couples who get married and then divorce, she points out.

Kalish has a simpler explanation. Reunions are most often successful if the couple was together during their formative years, if they dated a year or more, and had shared experiences, such as school or a circle or friends. Some of her rekindlers had reunions with old friends, not former sweethearts.


5. ``Puppy love'' can be real love.

Kalish advises parents against belittling teen love as ``puppy love.'' Many of her rekindlers broke up in the first place because their parents simply did not like the sweethearts.

``They were not in unhealthy relationships. Their parents had an unhealthy confusion of love and sex, worried that their teens' love had to be sexual,'' says Kalish.

Parents also tend to believe in the myth that teens should play the field, she says. But people don't learn intimacy by walking away and finding a ``better'' partner. ``That way, no one satisfies them, ultimately.''

Her advice: Unless the teen's sweetheart is abusive or dealing drugs, leave him or her alone.

``Young teens should be able to go out in a mixed group without parents getting upset, and a preteen who says she is `going with' someone may just mean they hold hands in the hallway and walk to class together.'' ( Postmedia News )

READ MORE - Five things you should know about lost love

Teenagers need privacy

Teenagers need privacy, respect it - Teenage years for any individual is a difficult and a delicate period.

This arises because teenagers begin to develop their own individual identity, experience biological and physiological changes, face peer pressure, become aware about their sexuality etc. And this is often a major period of worry for parents to deal with their teenage children. During this time, effective communication with children is of utmost importance as it can hamper or blossom the parent-child relationship for years to come.

Here's how you can communicate with your teenage child in a better way:

Spend time together

During this age, teenagers prefer spending time with their friends than their parents. However, as a parent, it is important that you need to spend time with your child. Spend time through fun activities like going out to eat, watching a movie, shopping or simply eating at least one meal together as a family. This provides ample opportunity to bond with the kids and know what's happening in their lives.


Be patient

Teenagers often face a lot of confusion about things and making decisions. If your child does something wrong, be patient. Instead of giving them a sound thrashing, talk to them and let them explain their reasons for doing what they did. After this you should tell them how their decisions made you feel. Assure them that they can always come and talk to you, if they need anything. Let them know that you love them.


Don't snoop around

It is very tempting for parents to spy on their children, under the garb of parental supervision.

However, overhearing their telephonic conversations, checking their email account or befriending them as a stranger on a social networking site are not advisable options. Teenagers are young adults and need some degree of personal privacy. If the children find out that the parents have been spying on them, they will see it as a sign of mistrust and completely lose faith in the parents. Therefore, parents need to set boundaries about their expectations from the children, regarding the company they keep or their whereabouts than spying on them. ( indiatimes.com )

READ MORE - Teenagers need privacy